ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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