I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
