Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
