I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just forgot I was standing up.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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