She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
