I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
