...so i touched it.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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