Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
