So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
