I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
