Taylor Swift is so right about you.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
