I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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