I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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