I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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