we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
