go do what you do best...puke behind churches
no, he came in my armpit
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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