If i could tip my vagina, i would.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
