It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
