Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
