i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
