I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
