just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
