Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
