it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
