i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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