we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
