I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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