grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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