I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
