remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
