Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
