Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
