that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
