Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
