Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I look better un-naked...
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
