ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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