Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
