Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
