A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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