I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
