SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
