a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
third nipple confirmed
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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