Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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