New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
