So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
