I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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