In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
