Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
