I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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