I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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