I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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