so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
