Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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