I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
