Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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