I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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