so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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