so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
organizing the empties. That sober.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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